Update 2/2/09

So getting over procrastination has hit a snag. Well so has the rest too. So far I've seen so many pictures of me in the past where I didn't realize I was anorexic looking and just watched that stupid Hugh Hefner show where every girl looks perfect. Then I saw a picture today where I'm leaning over sleeping and have a huge roll of dough coming out of my pants that resembles my stomach but still can't believe it is. Aaaaah. So I resolved not to eat unhealthy which usually evolves into I don't hardly eat anything until I starve tonight at 10 pm. Well even that didn't happen because while I havent ate lunch or breakfast I've eaten the cookies from yestedays Superbowl, about 10 mini cookies and these long sour punch things I love from 7-11. No willpower whatsoever. I'm trying to kick myself into gear where I take Joey on walks but by the time he wakes up he wants breakfast, I get tired after dressing him and then its almost time for nap and then nap is over and my mom comes home and after that he's hers. I just realized right now with my classes starting at 8 I could go to gym for an hour but I had resolved myself to go on Friday when I had no class since the gym is $5 without membership and I've learned my lesson about gym memberships.
Well I got my unemployment back, supposedly should get my Food stamp card soon, uhhh, and looking for an apartment. I had been offered my dream apartment but had no money for deposit and rent and then lo and behold I get my back checks for unemployment next day. Now I'm waiting on another one. I'm still stressing on us moving out by 15th of this money. I rented the storage facility, selling some stuff but Josh has no place to go. I'm getting he's discovering God and trying to get better but man his progress is like an ant slow. We each watched separately of course that Christian movie Fireproof about saving your marriage. It was really good but the impact really hit him. I wanna buy the book featured in it Love Dare for him and I. Valentines Day is coming up and it's weird yet again to be married but separated. Can't take much more of this.
I made Deans List at school but not much else progresses. I just want to be out of my old house and in a new apartment but until then stuck in moms house. I'm trying to stay a good mom and get my butt back into church but it seems days drag on and sometimes I feel that tug of depression. Resolutions suck.

A new blog idea-1/22/09

I know I said this blog is going to be about anything and everything with careers, money and life and it still is of course. But I decided after seeing what later turned out to be a fake blog from a woman that changed her residence from Hanford to Fresno, it was her spending blog. I thought it was a cool idea so this is going to be my website on my goals for life. Not new years resolutions because these are going to be long term. My first goal will be actually to do this blog since I am the world's worst procrastinor who doesn't finish what they start. I want to start each blog with the date and my progress from that day or week on
1) how I've been eating since I would like to lose weight but I'm tired of eating unhealthy and while I write this I've got Flaming hot cheetos and a soda in front of me contemplating if I should keep typing, Stop typing,
2) Continue on going to school and excelling. So far today I have my midterm in Math and Computers and I start a new class on Monday. I will graduate today with my A in both classes. I will, I will.
3)Pay off my credit card and my car loan and start a savings for Joe's adulthood (I don't say college because who's to say he wants to go and he'll excel there and not the military or studying abroad) and also for his birthday and Christmas. I am about to withdraw $1600 from one of my retirement loans, I know bad girl but got no choices. It will go half to car loan, some of it to credit card and rest to moving into Montclair.
4) Teach Joey to do sign language before he's one years old. So far I only remember milk which represents formula, more, love and water. Oh and diaper change.
So every day I hope to accomplish one aspect of my goals. Right now I'm fretting about getting a smog check and paying registration and delaying going to smog shop. I need to grab my Wic formula. I have an appointment monday for getting on Food stamps, welfare and medi-cal which is such a pride buster for me because I had really not wanted to do it so I wasn't taking from someone else who needs it when I thought Josh would keep his job. I'm starting to stress about math test tonight when I shouldn't. My teacher taught us yesterday to calculate how much we could get on tommorows test so we could keep out current grade and I can keep my A if I get a C. I think it screwed with me.
Oh and I'm still eating the cheetos.

Obama Fever and Disappointments

Well tommorow is the day. Barrack Hussein Obama is the next president, the first racially mixed because for those 2% who remember he is half white, half black. I mean really I voted for him, I believe in him wholeheartedly but african americans really annoy me with this whole "I cried so hard because now we truly feel at home." It takes a man who looks like you to become president for you to feel welcome in the only country you lived in. How about the doctors, laywers, senators, professors, secretary of states who are full African American. You didn't put your suitcase down when you realized America was ready for an African American a time ago, except there weren't any stepping up to base? It sucks to think Obama won because of his color because African Americans can't get over the fact a time ago he would have been denied because of it. This guy should be president only because of one thing, he is ready and willing to make the changes we need. But I guess I have to be happy that either way he is in office and will now get all the help he needs to put this economy and international relations back into gear. I just hate to think that while he would otherwise probably go down in history as great that will all the expectations of him weighing on him what he wants to do, is expected to do and does will somehow be a disappointment if he gives anything less than 110%.
My husband came back fron Arizona of course because Arizona seemed not to work out so I had to leave. So I'm not officially a single mother, with no income and going to school. I'm a bad advertisement for the california welfare program. But here's the kicker. I'm ok and hell I'm even good. Because while I pray every night for God to do something this way or the other, I've heard once his answer is always 1. Yes 2. not yet 3 or I've got something better planned. Josh coming home without a paycheck and lies sucked and almost set me over. My faith kept me sane and free, as well as a relaxing weekend at the cabin and my mothers love. I got a call today from the apartment place I want to move in and they have an apartment for us available. I don't know how we'll do that, pay half of next months rent before we can move out, rent and deposit for the apartment and pay remaining bills and other people back. But whatever God allows will happen will be what I need and I'm thankful in the end to know that and depend on that. I really liked this quote from Dark Knight which has become my favorite movie recently.
The night is darkest just before the dawn
and
Sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more.

Parent's who can't... well... parent

Ok before I write this let me just get this out. I once went to Wal Mart where this girl was throwing a fit in the paint aisle. I was pregnant and getting really annoyed and now to proud to admit that I was giving dirty looks. The mom was trying her best but was shooting me some "sorry but what can I do" looks of her own. Eventually, we somehow started just making small talk and out she admitted her child had autism. Those kind of children, and when I say those I don't mean their a different species but they do have different needs and situations to deal with. So I really try not to judge too quick. The other day my son, 6 months old, threw a tantrum when I took my wallet back which he was chewing on. He threw a fit, crying and trying to get out of the car seat. Since we were in the check out line I picked him up, paid and walked out. I did not give him back the wallet. I can't really scold cause hello, the boys 6 months but definately got across the no and he was not being very good. However, who knows if he understands. Had he been a little bit older and did that anywhere before the checkout line he was would have been escorted outside into the car and he could have gone to town with that temper tantrum after he was told he would be going home and going to bed early without dessert and no television privildges. I hate making others a burden to my child's bad mood that day.
However, I really have to hand it to these parents at Mimi's Cafe today who showed absolute no control over their what seemed to be a 3 or 4 year old girl. She was in a pretty princess looking dress which to me I would guess she begged to wear it and they didn't put up a fight. As they were paying the bill this girl started acting up and I mean bad. First she drew on a very big, nice picture behind their booth, with crayons. When I say she drew I'm talking big red, green and orange circles and lines on a picture that looked from size alone to be worth over $500. Then the screaming, high pitched that in movies was used to break glasses. Multiple times. It made other diners stop, gasp and try to awkwardly have a meal. My mother and sister clapped when they left. And all the mother could say was her daughters name, and that was it as if that would make her stop. Eventually she scolded her and said stop. Ignored. Then she even threated a spanking which was ignored. It was horrible. This was a nice restaurant in which her behavior couldn't be ignored or overseen. How dare these parents think it's all right for their daughter to ruin others meals, rather than getting off their arses to take her outside, while one pays the bill.
The worst one was Denny's when a family of 2 or 3 takes all of their kids, 3 toddler boys and a couple girls. Right away we knew their trouble. They were running around the table, under and around making a mess. They slurped down drinks, chowed on fries and their meals and then ran around again. Not one parent made a move to stop them. The best part was as their leaving and paying the bill (a waitress later said they wanted a military discount, didn't get one and didn't leave a tip) their child upchucked over 3 times, nearly on a patron. The mother didn't move, in fact she got threw up on. The boy freaked and cried while the waitress removed his shirt. The mother moved away and went to the restroom. If your going to be a mom,

• Stop being lazy and letting others do your dirty work.
  
• And at the very least have some respect for others who would gladly discipline your child if it weren't for some stupid criminal laws.
• Remove them from the situation.
• Let them get out the temper and when their calm enough to listen spell out their punishment now and for next time they act up

If I sound stuck up and rude, just know I have a difficult spoiled 6 month old. I'm trying my best to break him of his habits to cry loudly and persistently when he gets a toy taken away. And I'm going to guess he's going to be like that every now and then in the store. And every time he will be disciplined and taken out of people's way because he is my child, not theirs. And please realize so many people in the stores, restaurants, theme parks, everywhere feel this way. Just look around at the thousands of parents there who have kids looking at yours wondering why their mommy isn't doing anything. I hate seeing this huge increase of adults just letting their kids control their lives because they love them and don't want to spank them. I don't believe in spanking them but I do believe that you can discipline a child and that your child should never control your actions. They might as well call you by your first name rather than mom or dad.

Losers of the Week

So I read the paper almost every day. I know it's that annoying habit people say they do to seem superior but come off as pompous but I actually do and it's stories like these that make me not want to. One of them is about this severe disabled boy who has to be assisted home in New York. The lady who assists him home, Linda Hockaday, wanted to see of all things a church service. She knew this young man, a 22 year old who had the mindset of a child, was in the back of the bus and left him there in a New York adandonded parking lot for 17 hours. They found him rocking back and forth and suffering from hypothermia due to a temperature that hit 17 degrees. I mean, my god, really is the world so bad when a person who knows and sees this defenseless boy can't fathom why it's wrong to leave him and just be late or not go to this service. Seriously i mean that kind of treatment has belonged to animals not a woman.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/01/02/2009-01-02_matron_fired_for_leaving_mentally_disabl.html
above is the picture of her and the boy
Another one thats perplexing was one near me, which is scary enough. A 62 year old woman had been raped and brutalized. I mean this woman was beat beyond recognition. They just arrested 30 year old Jose Malanche for the rape and beating and it turns out he has a rap sheet for sexually assuaulting a minor. So this loser gets off on torturing a child and senior citizens. So I'm going to guess from my lack of a $500,000 education to be a psychologist he has control issues. But really this kind of scum just suffers from pretty much being the bottom barrell of the human race and needs to seriously rot in a 2x4 cell which no toilet paper.
I hear these stories and get sad for my son and even myself. Because while I like to believe our parents generation was good really what it was a good cover for the evil because back then they didn't have the technology and means for people to do things now or to publicise them. But there's no shield now. I can keep my son from watching the news, reading it or at least try to but at the very end what's the point. He will grow older and see evil and know. But my job lies in teaching him to overcome. They don't tell you this stuff in the hospital when you take him home.

MY FIRST BLOG OMG LOL

Well now that we got all those annoying internet conversation things out of the way I'll promise my readers, if I ever get any, that I won't capatilize anymore, say LOL, OMG or anything else annoying that you find yourself writing in formal papers at school or saying after something your dad says is funny (try explaining that to a man who barely knows how to use email). This sarcasm and wry sense of humour shall continue in future blogs so if you don't like it I sincerely apologize, my mother dropped me on my head as a baby and out popped all these jokes with a dry laugh. Anyways if you read my about me and description this blog is mainly about my steady progression into adult hood. I entered at 18 when I married my sweetheart who morphed into a lying, addictive thief who I am still in love with. I have the world's best child doesn't seem to realize premature babies shouldn't quadruple their weight 6 months after birth and is the world's most spoiled child by his ya-ya. I used to be a receptionist, the kind that answered the phone rudely and clipped her nails while laying back in her chair. My real passion is helping others find their passion by helping with resumes, job searches and getting them financial aid for colleges. I attend night school 4 nights a week for human resources because I am mind boggled about the process of why human resources people hire someone who can't tie their shoes and chew gum at the same time but not a 2 degree graduate that puts hairspray in their hair and brushes their teeth. I am on several forms on state financial assistance because I am unemployed as is the father of my child, my wonderful husband who is currently away on a job but yet is to be determined if he sends money back. My blog will be new tips on how not to spend thousands of dollars on a child who spits up right after I change him into brand new outfits, advice on how not to choke in your interview and why you shouldn't write your favorite hobbies on your resume and the latest most interesting news of my life (is my husband going to call? Why does Paris Hilton paint her cars pink?)